Making the Christmas Card Memorable

Since 2009, I've been designing and sending our family photo Christmas cards by email.   The cards always have a nice portrait of the family, but that's about all I can say for them. There's one big difference between my card this year and those of years past:  this year's card will be memorable.  Since there's no postage and no physical card to send, the only cost is an investment of a little time with Photoshop.  Here's this year's card:

Click on the image to see the entire card.

 When we were in Venice this summer, we decided to be silly and make faces in front of a mirror along the canal.  I captured a family "selfie" that became the image for the 2013 Christmas card.

"Wow," you must be saying, "he even takes his dog with him on a Europan vacation!"

Well, not exactly.

Mr. Watson, our lovable-but-brain-dead cairn terrier has been on the card every year.  It seemed a shame to leave him out this time.  Unfortunately, I don't have any images of Mr. Watson that would work with my plan.  The best I could do was search until I found the image of a dog that looks just like mine, one that was also taken at the appropriate angle.  Using the selection tool in Photoshop, I then extracted the dog from the image, sized it and pasted onto the vacation picture. It looks enough like Mr. Watson that my wife thought it was him, even though she didn't remember him going on vacation with us.

That's the story of this year's more memorable Christmas card.  I'll have to do something to top it in 2014!

You can view my website at:  www.tombellart.com.

Confessions of a Christmas Wreath Thief

I'm admitting it.

I can imagine myself in the police station at one end of a long metal table.   A cop is at the other end. A light fixture with a single bright bulb is overhead.  The shadows are harsh.  "Okay, Copper, I admit it!" I scream. " I took the wreath, but you'll never prove it.  And I'm gonna beat this wrap.  You're wastin' your time keepin' me in this joint.  I'm gonna walk!"

The truth is your Christmas wreath isn't safe with me in your neighborhood.  The front door of my house is adorned with a beautiful wreath that I picked up off a total stranger's porch, without his or her knowledge or approval.  I'm a Christmas wreath thief.

The stolen Christmas Wreath on my front door.

No, I'm not too poor to afford my own wreath.  And, no, at least I don't think it's because of a deep-seated psychological condition.  If I ever go to therapy, maybe I'll find out.

As with many who start off into a life of crime, my intentions were good.  It all started out with Linda, a lady we know at church who asked me if I would like to help out the Boy Scouts by ordering a Christmas wreath again this year.  Well, my son is in that worthy organization and is working toward his Eagle Scout rank.  Immediately, I said "yes," as we had bought wreaths from the same lady in past years and they are always beautiful and reasonably priced, and always to support the Boy Scouts.

All was fine as my family and I waited for the wreath to arrive.  I got an email from Linda who said I could pick it up off her front porch and leave the check under a potted plant.

I emailed her back telling her that I didn't remember exactly where her house was, but that she could let me know and I would be by in a day or so to pick it up.

She replied that the house was the first left in her subdivision after the flagpole, then the big house on the right with the giant pine tree at the side of the yard.  My wreath would be in a box on her porch, just pick it up and leave the check.

The directions were easy to follow.  I turned at the flagpole.  I wasn't exactly sure which of the big houses on the right because there were several big pine trees in the area.  But one house looked familiar, and sure enough, when I got to the porch there was a box with a wreath.  I took it and left a check under the potted plant.

One of my very first digital painting from 2001. It's called The Christmas Wreath.  The young lady is wearing a Christmas wreat around her neck.  It's made from straw and is typical of crafts found in the Mayan marketpalces.

My wife was thrilled with the wreath and its big red and gold ribbon.  I wouldn't say I get thrilled over such things, but it is a very nice wreath.

A few days later, while getting ready for a meeting at work, my secretary told me that a lady had called and was bringing my Christmas wreath.  I was puzzled.  I asked her the lady's name and it was Linda.  I told my secretary to call her back and tell her that I already have my wreath.  However, it was too late and no one answered the phone when she returned the call.

Twenty minutes later, just as I was about to go into my meeting, Linda stepped into the office carrying a big boxed wreath.

"Hi, Linda," I said, "I tried calling to tell you that I've already pick up my wreath, but you had already left."

She looked at me like I was crazy.  "What do you mean?  This is your wreath"

"No, I picked mine up several days ago."

"Really?"  She was obviously confused.

"Yes," and I left the check under the pot.  "You didn't find it."

"No, I didn't look because the wreath was still there.  I guess someone returned a wreath after you picked yours up."

"Okay," I said.  "I'm sorry that you came all this way."

"That's okay," she said.

"Let me know if you don't find the check."

"Don't worry," she replied, and was gone.

I didn't think about it again.

The next time I saw Linda was at Christmas mass yesterday afternoon.  The Christmas music was beautiful and we said "hello" after the service.

"You stole my neighbor's Christmas wreath!" were the first words that came from her mouth.

"What?"

My wife and children looked at me with dropped jaws."

"My house is next to the one where you took the wreath."

"I'm sorry.  I saw the pine tree and there as a wreath on the porch."

"Yes, we finally figured it out.  It was the wreath I sold her. Don't worry about it.  She found the check made out to BOY SCOUTS and gave me a call.  It's all taken care of now."

"Wow,  I'm sorry."

"No, really it's fine."

My wife gave me the "How could you look."

I looked at my son, the future Eagle Scout.  He was amused -- just another standard adventure for Dad.

I've now been branded a Christmas wreath thief.  I'm not sure it's something you can ever live down.  Only time will tell.

You can find my website at:  www.tombellart.com. 

The Price of Gas: A New Conspiracy Theory (with Photographic Proof)!

An ordinary day, what appears to be the usual commute to the office:  Who would think I would uncover the greatest dastardly scheme to befall the innocent American consumer!

I leave home for work, then four minutes later as I’m going by the local convenience store, I have an irresistible urge to use the bathroom -- unusual to say the least.  I rush in only to find a line of people at the restroom doors  -- again, unusual at just after 7:00 in the morning.  Some of them are jumping up and down and muttering lines such as,  “Hurry up, I’ve really got to pee.” 

“Wow,” I say to myself, as the line grows behind me,  “who would think there’s such a line for the bathroom.”

Finally, I use the facilities, then like everyone else who had been in line, I leave with some snacks and a drink.  I’m already stopped, so I fill the car up with gas before getting back on the road.  At this particular place, unleaded is going for $3.39 a gallon, six cents cheaper than some of the stations only a couple of miles away.

I pull back onto the road, then, glancing through the rear view mirror, the answer to the bathroom queue is revealed to me on the electronic billboard announcing the price of gas.  It’s a conspiracy to make people pee!  I know, I know, you think I’m some kind of ranting loon like Mel Gibson in the Conspiracy Theory movie; actually, you think I make him look sane. But it’s true and the proof is reflected in my car’s rear view mirror.  I’m on to them and they can’t stop me from telling the truth.  As I’ve told you before in by blog, always carry a camera.  Who would think it could prove the greatest mad plot of the twenty-first century?



This is proof that you should always carry a camera. 
 A conspiracy is revealed in the photograph

“Oh, just a coincidence,” you say.  A mirror image of the word "pee" on the gas price sign -- just a coincidence?  I think not!  If the price had been $3.45 instead of the ever-so-clever $3.39, the hoards wouldn’t have been stopping to empty their bladders.  They also wouldn’t have been leaving the store with sodas, coffee, beef jerky, and pricey reflective stickers of Justin Bieber.

Now, we must ask just how widespread is this conspiracy.  Are there hundreds, even thousands of convenience stores with the secret to the billboard that will subliminally force us to pee, then buy all sorts of unneeded food and trinkets as we leave the store?

I demand an investigation.  Who is behind this sinister manipulation and what is next on their agenda?  Look in the rear view mirror at your convenience store and let me know if this insidious conspiracy has reached your neighborhood.  Warn your neighbors, friends, and family before it’s too late.  Contact your elected officials. And when you feel the urge to pull into a convenience store to use the bathroom --resist.  That’s when you know they’ve gained control of your mind.

Let’s stop this mad conspiracy.  If you pee, the bad guys win. Please don’t pee! 

You can view my website at:  http://www.tombellart.com/.